Signs of Myself on You
by Broken Tourniquet
Summary: Sam tries to hate Lara but she can't bring herself to hate the woman she loves even if she has a secret she doesn't want. She can't tell her I love you but she certainly doesn't want help. Sam has anxiety issues to boot maybe even something much scarier. Why can't Lara just make up her mind? Why can't people leave her alone? In her mind everyone wants something and...


"Sam..." The look on her face said everything..and Sam knew what she was going to say and why. Knowing didn't help with the feeling in her stomach that made her feel like she was dropped a million feet off of a building onto concrete. She understood this so well because she understood Lara so well but she felt so selfish in this.

"I have to go. There are answers I need." Lara looked desperate at this like she had when she told Sam about her car getting towed. Like it was all her fault and she might be hated forever. Sam's heart dropped loudly in her chest and suddenly it begun to hurt. She felt hurt and she didn't know why it hurt this much or rather she didn't want to acknowledge it anymore. "Sam...I'll be bac-" Sam clutched her chest propping herself up on the counter of one of the ships counters. She completely zoned out Lara and everything became blurs and blacks and white. Something felt completely different, It all hurt to much. To Sam it felt like go flame was burning everything in her chest and everytime it beat it felt like it pulsed in pain. Her heart seemed to race incredibly fast to her. "am..." That voice was clearing her vision. "Am...!" Her vision doubled but cleared slightly as soon as a hand grabbed her arm. "Sam! Are you alright!" Lara sounded doubly worried but she always sounded like that when it came to Sam. It didn't help either that the pain seemed to decrease ridiculously when she touched her and it made Sam mad. She felt so angry and Sad for some reason. That was stupid and that made Sam feel the emotions even more. "Sam?" Lara tried to reach out and touch Sam's face but Sam stepped back and yanked herself free.

"Don't touch me!" She ordered and turned away from her. She felt it a tear roll down her cheek. Why now? Why now of all times to dump this on her? It felt like it was just an added weight on her line before the breaking point. God she didn't need this...not now and not after either.

"Sam." Sam heard shuffling from behind her and a sniffle or something of the sort. "I want you to go to my fathe-" Lara took a deep breath. "I want you to go to the family manor and wait until I get back." Sam looked at the counter beside her slightly and she froze seeing a single key. Lara was serious? Of course she was. "I...want you to be in a safe place." Sam picked it up to examine it and just by touching it made her heart lift a few feet. Lara had a family mansion? Manor? "I'll talk to Winston and let him know." She knew Lara never really talked about her family much and she knew who her father was but she didn't know she had a Manor. "I need you safe for when I can get back." She faced Lara and saw she looked like more than a mess. She had been crying even if she was covered in rain water Sam could tell. She could always tell.

* * *

Sam bolted up straight and looked around frantically. She was here and not that boat. She had enough of boats and sea and traveling for awhile. It wasn't a nightmare and it wasn't that damn dream that woke her up it was the doors opening and slamming shut. She knee her body was nearly half an hour late but when it had happened her dream was at it's height. Her body refused to react until now.

She took a deep breath to regain her calmness. She could have sworn she watched Winston lock the doors not that she didn't trust him but she liked to know the routine that he usually had. She often found herself here alone seeing as he would be off doing something else and what that was she had no idea and sometimes didn't care as she looked through old photos of her and Lara. She loathed it because then that damn pain would return but she felt like she needed it, to see her again. God how she missed her. God how she needed her even now. Where the hell was she? Was she okay? Did she care? That's all Sam needed to know.

"Goddamn it..." Sam grunted swinging her legs off of the bed. She rubbed her eyes tiresomely hoping it was only Winston doing something and that it was nothing. She still had to check and make sure or Lara would kill her. The thought brought anger up through her chest and the air felt a tad warmed. Sam felt thoughts build up but took a deep breath and washed the thoughts away. She knew she'd spend hours on them and never get rid of them easily if she didn't. She had to check and thinking about Lara wouldn't exactly help.

The Manor was big ridiculously big to Sam but somehow at night when all was the most silent Sam felt as if you could hear a pin drop in the place. _Yeah a fucking grenade pin._ Sam rolled her eyes as she begun to venture down the stairs towards the kitchen after she stopped at the doors to find them still locked. She shook her head thinking it odd but figured her body was just overreacting to her dream or something.

She felt slightly hungry though. Maybe a sandwich or something would do her good and then go back to bed considering it was three or something in the morning. She sighed heavily but shook off the heavy feeling of worry. She was just hungry was all...yeah that was all she needed was something to eat. That was all.

She stopped before entering the opened kitchen. The light was on. She definitely turned that off. She might have thought it was Winston if it wasn't for the fact that music came to. It was Staind.. She knew this song. She and Lara heard it play several times even the first time they met. Lara joked it was their song. She always played it when Sam was mad to lighten her up to an apology and it always worked. It had even become a lullaby for her nightmares well it helped a little. The song was It's been awhile. She gasped slightly as she saw a couple shadows and heard moving. I_t's only Winston...it's only Winston..._ She told herself.

She approached slowly and hesitantly. If it was a burglar she couldn't fight well but her nails weren't sharp for no reason and she could certainly kick pretty fucking hard. Then again it was all about knowledge and where to hit as she remembered from cheesy self defense commercials. But why would a burglar hit a Manor in the middle of nowhere?

Sam's heart dropped a thousand feet and she froze as she stared at the figure sitting there. It was a woman, eating some kind of soup. In Batman Pajama bottoms and a black tank top. It was someone she knew. It was her. It wasn't the Pony tail, the smooth skin, the perfect body shape that told Sam who it was. It was the familiar aura of comfort and hurt colliding to her that told her. It was Lara. Why was she here? Why was she...anything?

"Sam." Lara turned to her and smiled. God that smile and those eyes. Sam felt the all to familiar pain return but double even more. Was this Lara? The question only hurt her more. Of course it was because that aura or the familiar feeling if affection could never be imagined to Sam. Still it felt like her heart and brain could explode from thinking about everything. Just everything. It was unbelievable how much it all hurt so God damn much! She saw her vision blur and begin fade and her body sway. "Sam?" Lara's voice was ten time's it's normal worry rate. How could she not? "SAM!" Lara yelled as Sam fell over leaving Lara to barely catch her head. Lara was extremely lucky.

"Lady Croft!" Winston seemed to appear from nowhere. "Lady Croft..." Lara looked you urgently at him."How long has she been doing this?" Lara knew he knew.

"I don't know.. I don't think it's serious...I don't know. She got excited was all. I hope." Winston only nodded. "The sooner she...I want her to be okay..." She felt completely guilty and knew she was going to and had to take care of Sam. She caused it so it was her mes and she wasn't obligated to but she wanted to.

"Your her world it seems." Lara opened her mouth to speak. "Just take her to bed and so not leave her until she's awake because she has nightmares. Now Lady Croft we can have warm welcomes tomorrow." Lara nodded coldly and sadly as she cradled Sam's head still.

Lara easily lifted Sam into her arms for the venture to bed. Sam felt lighter and it made Lara worried if she had lost weight and not been eating right. Lara certainly couldn't find that out tonight. Sam seemed to snuggle further into Lara's arms desperate for the comforting warmth she brought. Lara couldn't do anything until she was in bed.. Nightmares...I'll have to stay with her. It wasn't exactly an awkward thought to be truthful.

* * *

Sam stopped and leaned herself against the door frame studying Lara. She was reading that damned journal again. Always that journal but Sam understood why and it didn't make it any less painful for her. Sam's heart was taring for her and Lara couldn't see that. Just like Lara couldn't see the way she looked at her or spoke to her. Lara couldn't see and it hurt her now more than ever. Lara's eyes locked onto hers shutting the journal and gave a sad smile. Sam stood up straight and tensed tightly.

"Sam," Lara gave her a once over probably checking to make sure she was alright. "Come here please." Lara's voice was soft and gentle to her. Sam tensed more and her body refused to move. Lara saw this and frowned at her. Sam knew Lara was probably hoping she wouldn't do this but expect it to. "Sam, please come here. It's my last night." Lara held out her hand for Sam to take as to be extra sure in case Sam was hurt more than she let on. Sam's body moved before she could think to. She grabbed Lara's hand who was very careful with her and Sam like that. Lara propped Sam against her in between her legs and let Sam's back sink into her as her hands rested on Lara's knees. This was much more comfortable for Lara because she could feel Sam here and knew she was okay and alive. Incredibly hurt but alive. Sam would love to keep the warmth Lara was giving. She needed it and never understood how much until now. Sam felt Lara's arm encase her in comfort it nearly made her gasp. "Sam I'm sorry." Sam felt her body tighten at the words. She was sorry? It certainly sounded line she meant it but Sam didn't want to believe that. Lara who could harm her so much with a few words was sorry? Sam always remembered her mother telling her_ 'if your sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place.'_ "God Sam. I'm sorry for doing this..." Sam felt Lara's forehead on her shoulder.

_She's going to cry..._ Sam felt confused at this. Then she remembered that she wasn't the only one who has lost people on that damned island. Lara did to and if anything Sam knew Lara had suffered as much as she had. Lara probably still felt like everything was her fault and as much as Sam wanted to believe it was she knew better. She could never hold something like that against Lara because it was to much for Lara. Sam didn't care about her problem with Lara anymore because she felt that God damned urge to comfort her and keep strong for her. Always for her. It was like a natural instinct she could never ignore no matter how hard she tried. She felt mad at herself for giving into it be she couldn't help it. "Sweetie it wasn't your fault," Sam sat up and pressed into Lara slightly as she squeezed Lara's hands in comfort. "Don't do that to yourself. It's not fair." Sam assured her. Lara's grip tightened on Sam.

"What I'm doing isn't fair." Sam couldn't say anything to that without hurting her. She refused to hurt her right now. "How do you do that? Stay strong for me even when-"

"Because I have to." Lara buried her face in Sam's neck comfortably as a quick reply. Sam didn't mind as long as it was her best friend. She really felt she had to stay strong for them both or something would topple in on them and neither could afford to deal with that right now. Sam was broken but Lara was rating herself into more pieces and it felt to Sam as if she had to be Lara's gauze or something of the sort right now. "I'll go." Lara lifted her head from the abrupt words and studied her face. "To that...Manor? I'll stay there if you promise. Promise to come back straight back after your done."

"I promise love." Lara kissed her cheek as a sign as thankfulness. Sam didn't like this idea but if it kept Lara sane then by god she was going to do it and it was a promise she'd keep.

* * *

Lara took in a deep breath but never let go of Sam. The plan last night was to take Sam to bed then find another room and sleep but Lara stayed a bit longer and Sam started trembling and shaking slightly. Lara tossed whatever told her not to and crawled in bed with her holding her close and Lara noticed she had instantly calmed down and Lara didn't question it. She could remember taking Sam in a camping trip and it got cold during the night so Sam got into Lara's sleeping bag and cozied up to her throwing on of her arms around her. That was slightly awkward but Lara got used to it and enjoyed the extra warmth she was given. Lara was unsure if it was an uncomfortable dream or a nightmare that Sam had started having but she was just glad Sam was okay now.

Now here she was holding Sam careful not to move and wake her up. Lara smiled at the sleeping beauty glad that she looked peaceful. _I've missed you so much Sam._ That was absolutely true. While she was away Sam was on her mind nearly 24/7 she knew Sam probably hated her but she would make that right. She couldn't go off again and not patch things up. Sam was her only family she had left and she was something beyond precious to her. Lara leaned forward carefully placing a risky kiss on Sam's cheek. Sam curled more into her and sighed happily. _Knowing Sam she'll want to go home to get away from me. Good thing her parents are out for a few weeks._ She had a lot to work through with Sam and she knew if Sam could Sam would leave ASAP. That was how Sam worked even though they both hated it.

Sam was what kept her going, to full fill her promise and come home to her. Sam kept her going through the dirt and blood even tears she had to cry. Still she knew Sam was a wreck. She had be satisfied with what she was given and do what she had to with Sam. Sam wasn't alright Lara knew but Sam was always on her mind so this is a must. "Sam." She sighed happily. Sam stirred for a moment before going back to sleep. She decided to let Sam sleep in but she wasn't getting up either after all she was sore as hell from her trip. Lara had to dress her wounds soon but for now she enjoyed Sam's presence until Sam was up and hating her entirely not that she blamed her. Your amazing Sam. That's what she believed.

Lara didn't want any of this. Not the way it all was. Sam felt betrayed and hurt and in return it broke Lara's heart deeper than she knew possible. She was hoping Sam would welcome her home with open arms but at least Sam was here with her and not leaving, at least for awhile. Even the three words she wanted tell Sam wouldn't fix this, even worse was that she was going to make Sam go see a doctor today and Sam hated hospitals at least Lara thought she did. After all Sam had spent a couple days in one. Then again she wasn't Lara was she?

_Maybe you could take her out for breakfast before forcing her to go see a doctor._ Would that even lighten Sam's mood though? It was something she could try. It however required her to get up, shower, and dress so Sam wouldn't complain about her lack of fashion sense and spend at least an hour dawdling trying to find Lara something. If Sam was the Sam that is. Of course she is, isn't she? What they went through was definitely changing but Lara didn't think it could change Sam as much as it changed her. _Breakfast and then...bugger I'd have to schedule an appointment anyways. Breakfast today Doctors tomorrow? That sounded a lot better._

Lara sighed. If she was going to do this she'd better get at it right now or she wouldn't be able to do anything. She at least wanted to start Sam's day out politely and not "oh everything's fucked good morning". Not that it had been for her but she couldn't dismiss anything. She carefully removed her arms from Sam stopping once or twice when Sam stirred. She had to be careful not to wake her, she thought Sam deserved a few more minutes of sleep after last night which still felt like it was her fault.

She opened the closet and smiled, of course. She had asked Sam to have both of their clothes over but Sam had organised them to her liking. At least Sam was still Sam enough to do that. It wasn't comical so much as relieving to see it because Lara always said if there was one thing besides camera's, and Lara best it would be clothes. Lara grabbed a pair of jeans and shirt as something caught her eye. It was an old gown she recognized as her mothers. Her mother wore it on special occasions and Lara always fancied how it looked. It looked like silk and felt softer than that but Lara closed the closet door trying her best to ignore it she forgot this was the master bedroom. One thing at a time was all she could handle right now. Those problems could wait at least until she had Sam back on her side. She quickly strode into the bathroom. She knew Sam would wake up at least halfway into her shower. It was like biological alarms they had synced with each other. No matter the time halfway through one's shower the other would wake up and get ready for their turn. Setting her clothes on the counter she ripped a small piece of paper off and wrote Sam a note before disappearing into the bathroom again and turning the water on.

The water was hot and cleansing. Lara closed her eyes enjoying it a lot, it stung her injuries slightly but that pain turned into bliss. She wasn't sure what it was but something just felt so good about this shower. The soap cleaning her body, the water releasing tension in her body, and Sam being close. Lara rubbed her neck and groaned running a hand through her hair. It felt food. All of this did. It was like magic made just for her. There was a humming though that made her eyes open. It took her a minute to realize it was just music and knew Sam was up. She might gave froze but knee better that she'd have to face up to her sooner or later and Lara couldn't walk away considering she was naked. "...bugger..." She turned the water off and stepped out already missing the water. Perhaps later she could soak in a bath instead, that sounded delightful to her.

Sam sighed as she fidgeted with her shirt slipping it on. She sat quietly in her chair looking over this small fragment of the video. It was just from the island one of those short seconds before the camera cut out. The camera did that at random times and before the storms would hit it seems she was curious if this was a random time or not. Working on the footage helped her forget a lot relatively. It was what she did and who she was. She could see her in the corner of the screen watching her. Lara was just watching her and Sam knew she couldn't ignore it so she powered down her computer but refused to look at Lara.

"Not the best love letter I ever got." It was meant to be a joke but Sam thought she might have sounded slightly irritated. Lara chuckled either way.

"Breakfast we're going out I don't take no for an answer.

"Well. I don't have a choice then." Sam gave her a weak smile as she turned around.

"I promise to not make a move." Lara joked receiving a short smile. Sam was mad...of course she was. How could she not be for Christ sakes?

"Lara-" Sam clenched her jaw not being able to finish her sentence. She wanted to cry. If she talked about this now then she would she could at least humor Lara. This was a game to her right? That's what Sam wanted to believe but it wasn't true at all.


End file.
